"The Quiet Power of Being Seen: What Therapy Truly Offers"
(Inspired by "Maybe You Should Talk to Someone")
By: Neal C. Goldberg, Ph.D.
Like many of my colleagues — and perhaps some of you reading this — I was deeply moved by Laurie Gottlieb’s insightful and beautifully crafted book, Maybe You Should Talk to Someone.
Her honest and often humorous portrayal of the therapeutic journey, from both sides of the room, resonated profoundly. One concept she illuminated with particular grace was Unconditional Positive Regard — a cornerstone of the therapeutic relationship that, while fundamental, can sometimes be misunderstood.
For those unfamiliar with the term, Unconditional Positive Regard (UPR), a concept championed by the pioneering person-centered therapist Carl Rogers, describes a therapist's profound and nonjudgmental acceptance of their client.
This isn't about condoning every action or decision, but rather about embracing the entirety of the individual. It's about creating a safe space for you — including those messy, contradictory, or vulnerable parts you might hesitate to reveal to anyone else.
Gottlieb masterfully brings this to life through the diverse stories of her patients: a sharp-witted television producer with formidable defenses, a newlywed grappling with a terminal illness, and others navigating their own unique struggles.
Each person enters therapy carrying beliefs about what they shouldn’t feel, say, or be. Yet, what Gottlieb beautifully illustrates is that therapy isn’t about fixing or eradicating these parts. Instead, it’s about fostering the safety to explore them — together, with a compassionate witness.
Let’s gently address some common misconceptions:
Myth #1: Therapy is only for those who are “broken.”
This is a sentiment I encounter frequently. There’s often a feeling that seeking therapy signifies a fundamental flaw or a weakness in one’s ability to cope independently.
However, Gottlieb’s narrative — and indeed my daily experience — reveals a deeper truth: therapy is a dedicated space for our shared humanity.
It’s not about being broken; it’s about having the courage to pause, to listen to our inner voice, and to allow ourselves to be truly seen and understood.
Myth #2: Your therapist is silently judging you.
This couldn’t be further from the reality of the therapeutic space. In fact, UPR stands in direct opposition to judgment.
As therapists, we hold a compassionate space for the inherent contradictions within us all.
You can deeply love your child and occasionally yearn for escape.
You can achieve external success and experience profound sadness.
You can act in ways that don’t align with your values — and still be deserving of kindness and understanding.
Often, the most profound healing in therapy arises not from prescriptive advice, but from that gentle, unwavering presence that communicates:
“I see you, fully, and I am here with you.”
Myth #3: Therapy is solely about intellectual insight.
While gaining insight into our patterns and experiences is undoubtedly valuable, Gottlieb’s work — and what I strive to cultivate in my practice — reminds us that therapy is fundamentally relational.
It’s not just about understanding yourself on an intellectual level; it’s about experiencing yourself differently in the presence of someone who sees the entirety of who you are and remains present with you, without judgment.
This kind of authentic connection has the power to rewrite those old, internal narratives that tell us:
“I’m too much.”
“I don’t deserve support.”
“I always have to be the strong one.”
Whether you are navigating the complexities of grief, living with an invisible illness, feeling stuck in your relationships, or simply yearning for a space to breathe more freely — therapy offers more than just problem-solving strategies.
It provides a sanctuary to be truly seen — not for some idealized version of yourself, but for the beautiful and complex human being you already are.
And sometimes, in that simple act of being fully seen, lies the deepest and most profound healing.
Until next time,
